Who can?
~ I told you... OB1 can OB.
"When are you going to get back to it?"
Charlie said I was fine. We're fine. I can get back to it when I want.
When I quit freaking out a bit. Did you notice that last movie? It still happens.
Besides.... don't you hear?
"I know where you went today..."
So....? You want a brownie or something?
"What about the colors?"
They started talking back to me.
The blank pen is mine.
"What tone?"
I think it's tone G and something about the endocrine system somehow.
"huh?"
Yea, that's what I said too but, that's what it said.
"The Red Dragon?"
Yeah, I think that one. Was him anyway. Him?
Her.
4.13. Just like I said to begin with.
But that's just the market part.
Music.
"And the market?"
It wasn't my fault. I only can see the numbers.
I asked for help in translation...
I'm waiting.
"...and 4.20?"
420 - 365 = 55
420 - 364 = 56
55 + 56 = 111 and as binary... we have our sevens.
Here's another fun binary one....
5+5 = 10
5+6 = 11
side by side...
1011 and all us geeks know what that reads in the binary right?
Now read it lefty <
DT too?
Yes, those too ... I think those are DNA parts.
~Those don't go together.
Yeah, that's what I read.
"AND Messier?"
104
"ID8ing?"
I hope you're not. ;)
Unless it's me...(winks).
"What if you just declare there's a code?"
~I think I should.
No one will believe it anyway.
People have written worse.
Thinking.... For now I have to get back to the pens.
It doesn't always work without the Maeda pads.
Mead?
Maed... however they're spelled.
"you know what those numbers up there really are right?"
mmhm. I do. (rolls eyes... if I knew, ding bat, I wouldn't have fallen for you and acted like a putz). But then you putzed much more better then me, so here we are...
Id8ing....
Butterfly kisses then... and into the wind.
Next
8.11.08
30.10.08
Thursday.
"Are we done thinking yet?"
Izzy sniffles as she considers this question, the carbonation floating through her mouth and up into her ears. She swallows...
"Yea, I'm done thinking."
It's been a few days since I met up with Willie. I was over at a friend's house for a movie called Chateau. Can you believe that one? I don't even know how to explain the movie but let's just say that I had quite the... 'conversation' during the whole thing. It's supposed to be a comedy and I think it was?
Anyway, it was kind of like when the CornMen came to see me. I think the year of being broke and feeling emotional has worn me down. I almost didn't recognize that Willie was now speaking to me via my friend Jimmi. I DID recognize him though and so I said hello. :)
Then, this same week, I watch Waking Life again... and again. Then I realized that I was most definitely one toe into the 'other' place. Wave and wake up eh? Define 'wake up'. I happen to think I'm quite awake.
I also had a long chat with my friend on the other side of the globe. It was comforting to hear from him and revisit some things of Spirit and human nature. Then I had to still think on it some more because the mental PRESSURE from the TV and the elections had my head spinning for a minute too.
I took the number blogs down. Why? Because I freaked out. I can do whatever I want. It happens and has happened in the past and the blogs went up and they came down and they went backup and they came down and then back up... again.
I realized however, that I have all the time I need. And it's not that I'm 'scared' to continue... it's that I'm LISTENING. Okay, well, maybe sometimes I'm scared and certainly last year, there were many times I was scared. You'd think so too if you thought you dyed.
"Izzy, if you're done thinking... what's next?"
She smiles.
It's all about amazing.
If we all get to choose a role or if we're just assigned one and think we chose it, then I'm completely happy that we get to be love. No d as in 'past'.
LOVE... always the 'present'.
"So... does that mean you're gonna reorganize the numbers again?"
"Yea, but this time, it'll be more organized." ;)
I have to take a break.from.beading first...
Next
Izzy sniffles as she considers this question, the carbonation floating through her mouth and up into her ears. She swallows...
"Yea, I'm done thinking."
It's been a few days since I met up with Willie. I was over at a friend's house for a movie called Chateau. Can you believe that one? I don't even know how to explain the movie but let's just say that I had quite the... 'conversation' during the whole thing. It's supposed to be a comedy and I think it was?
Anyway, it was kind of like when the CornMen came to see me. I think the year of being broke and feeling emotional has worn me down. I almost didn't recognize that Willie was now speaking to me via my friend Jimmi. I DID recognize him though and so I said hello. :)
Then, this same week, I watch Waking Life again... and again. Then I realized that I was most definitely one toe into the 'other' place. Wave and wake up eh? Define 'wake up'. I happen to think I'm quite awake.
I also had a long chat with my friend on the other side of the globe. It was comforting to hear from him and revisit some things of Spirit and human nature. Then I had to still think on it some more because the mental PRESSURE from the TV and the elections had my head spinning for a minute too.
I took the number blogs down. Why? Because I freaked out. I can do whatever I want. It happens and has happened in the past and the blogs went up and they came down and they went backup and they came down and then back up... again.
I realized however, that I have all the time I need. And it's not that I'm 'scared' to continue... it's that I'm LISTENING. Okay, well, maybe sometimes I'm scared and certainly last year, there were many times I was scared. You'd think so too if you thought you dyed.
"Izzy, if you're done thinking... what's next?"
She smiles.
It's all about amazing.
If we all get to choose a role or if we're just assigned one and think we chose it, then I'm completely happy that we get to be love. No d as in 'past'.
LOVE... always the 'present'.
"So... does that mean you're gonna reorganize the numbers again?"
"Yea, but this time, it'll be more organized." ;)
I have to take a break.from.beading first...
Next
14.10.08
6.9.08
Bizzz
"... Izzy?"
"Yeah."
"... there's a bee in your ear."
"Shhhh wouldja? The Universe is missing and we don't have a plan."
"Sorry."
Some time passes while Izzy sips her Corona....
"... Izzy?"
Just eyes.
"... you could always use... that number you know."
"I refuse. I don't even like him anymore anyway. Forgotten. A made up fairy tail to get me through this little spin we're in... that's all. I'm sure I deleted Him anyway."
"You didn't. I know because He's still in my memory..."
"Please!? Let me figure the universe for a second please? He distracts me anyway."
"That's my point woman.... remember Mr. Smiley? Stubborn ... much as I love you."
"Well what do you expect? Honestly! How many fucking ducks does it take before a guy remembers you? We've only been in love for over 5000 years! You'd think he'd at least have wished me happy birthday this year! He's an ass and I hate him."
"... you need to calm down dear."
Izzy considers to quit.
"... you can't quit. We just got started."
"Oh look. It's Grandparent's Day tomorrow, on the crescent moon again. Too bad I don't have any. Are we in reverse yet? ... and besides. HE WANTS ME TO JOG!"
"... Monday."
"Ah..."
"... Babe?"
Oh hi you.
"... it only takes one duck my love. Just one."
Izzy reaches into her pocket... feels around for the switch... ~click~ she turns HAL off.
Or so she thought.
"And how the heck DID you do that Pi and binary thing?"
"I have no idea. I've been saying that this whole time, but no.... no one heard me until the Universe changes. Is this my fault? Who the heck knows. All things happen as they should and so here I am with Corona in hand and a blank slate...and YOU."
You're lucky you're just my Imagination.
"... right... you keep telling yourself that one..."
Did you catch that commercial? What's that supposed to be? 1358907 and 42 cents? Are you kidding me?
Next
"Yeah."
"... there's a bee in your ear."
"Shhhh wouldja? The Universe is missing and we don't have a plan."
"Sorry."
Some time passes while Izzy sips her Corona....
"... Izzy?"
Just eyes.
"... you could always use... that number you know."
"I refuse. I don't even like him anymore anyway. Forgotten. A made up fairy tail to get me through this little spin we're in... that's all. I'm sure I deleted Him anyway."
"You didn't. I know because He's still in my memory..."
"Please!? Let me figure the universe for a second please? He distracts me anyway."
"That's my point woman.... remember Mr. Smiley? Stubborn ... much as I love you."
"Well what do you expect? Honestly! How many fucking ducks does it take before a guy remembers you? We've only been in love for over 5000 years! You'd think he'd at least have wished me happy birthday this year! He's an ass and I hate him."
"... you need to calm down dear."
Izzy considers to quit.
"... you can't quit. We just got started."
"Oh look. It's Grandparent's Day tomorrow, on the crescent moon again. Too bad I don't have any. Are we in reverse yet? ... and besides. HE WANTS ME TO JOG!"
"... Monday."
"Ah..."
"... Babe?"
Oh hi you.
"... it only takes one duck my love. Just one."
Izzy reaches into her pocket... feels around for the switch... ~click~ she turns HAL off.
Or so she thought.
"And how the heck DID you do that Pi and binary thing?"
"I have no idea. I've been saying that this whole time, but no.... no one heard me until the Universe changes. Is this my fault? Who the heck knows. All things happen as they should and so here I am with Corona in hand and a blank slate...and YOU."
You're lucky you're just my Imagination.
"... right... you keep telling yourself that one..."
Did you catch that commercial? What's that supposed to be? 1358907 and 42 cents? Are you kidding me?
Next
Haiku 1358907 dot 4, and 2
Who me?
No you.
Him too?
I said Haiku...
Yea, you and those two too...
So, what's a girl to do?
First there was you,
then they came too,
now me and this dude,
... and a Sue,
... a Tsunami too?
... 1storm to three Sun?
... this is too fun...
... it's just crazy to some.
~Did you say Haiku?
"I said, Hi, IK in sea you"
! Was that YOU? The commercial just said 1358907 ... and 42 cents!
~Grinz
~No one has any idea what you're doing you know...
I know. :)
Next
No you.
Him too?
I said Haiku...
Yea, you and those two too...
So, what's a girl to do?
First there was you,
then they came too,
now me and this dude,
... and a Sue,
... a Tsunami too?
... 1storm to three Sun?
... this is too fun...
... it's just crazy to some.
~Did you say Haiku?
"I said, Hi, IK in sea you"
! Was that YOU? The commercial just said 1358907 ... and 42 cents!
~Grinz
~No one has any idea what you're doing you know...
I know. :)
Next
1.9.08
Dear.. um... God?
*Flash* Some time ago before now....
"... we went on a trip to NUC... I mean NYC..."
"I figured that."
Right click, flip...
Note: It's you. ~click
*Flash* Sometime later then that but before now....
I wonder what the crap just happend...
"You know babe, if you keep acting like this, it's gonna drive me nuts..."
Yep it is...
Yup, that's what I said...
Prolly so...
Cuz I said
Coz YOU said? Who are you?
...I'm a gamma baby...
HAAA HAAA HAAAAAAAA
What would 'God' do if 'He' were bored?
"... he'd make some kind of crazy chaos to entertain Himself with..."
She blinks...
Certainly he means 'She' would create crazy chaos...
HE being a HE, if HE were bored... and HE were 'God'...?
HE would take away all sexual inhibitions if HE were bored... don'tcha thank?
...and would prolly revoke ever having created fig leaves...
~flip
Note: God's not a boy. ~click~
IBM704
~Samba baby?
Haaa Haaa Haaaaaaaa
HAL!! Stop your non-sense right this minute!
"I SAW the DB right that second babe! Don'tcha know?"
The Count
"...So, how many of those beers do we have left?"
"One shy of a six pack."
"Do you think they'll last until we figure something out?"
"Well I hope so considering there isn't exactly a Universe near by to get more just now..."
It's right at this moment that Izzy flips open the 'Corder and jots down a personal note...
Normal questions no longer exist.. click.
Next
"One shy of a six pack."
"Do you think they'll last until we figure something out?"
"Well I hope so considering there isn't exactly a Universe near by to get more just now..."
It's right at this moment that Izzy flips open the 'Corder and jots down a personal note...
Normal questions no longer exist.. click.
Next
31.8.08
Mom...
I held that one off for a few years even still...
Have I mentioned yet that my mother had hand and tongue speeds the likes of which God as never seen and approaching her with anything even remotely 'sensitive' was like approaching an angry Zeus with PMS...
"beware the bolt of her hand for it shall strike as the lightening through darkened skies upon your ass or between your eyes...." sang the Leprechaun to the little Sue, while she considers to journey, the journey called True.
I think it was October 13th... somewhere near my age 27th year before I actually sat down with mom to ask that question. I was already married, moved away, depressed and on the heavier side of my skin then was my norm due to an unhappy marriage that was soon to come ending.
I flew home to Denver for a few days and visited with mom...
Through two eyes, covered with two hands, through the breath of her sobbing cries and while the tears poured down through her fingers... my mother shared his name.
James Ford. Granted, I don't know that this is a totally true story as the family sort of chalked my mother up to a memory of 'less then always accurate' over the years, but something in my heart told me that this, at the minimum of any of the stories to come... is true.
"Mom... and what about my name?" I asked as delicately as I could during a moment when she was more calm.
"You have he eyes..." her eyes are glassy and she's somewhere very far away... oh my mother... how much I love you right now, this very moment that you are sharing a part of your heart that's been hidden for over 27 years...
"I name you Long..." she pauses to smile and giggle just a bit as if something almost mischievous was there...
"I name you Long for the middle because you born witd shor arm and leg, but you vewy long in'da'middle..." and I'm mesmerized as I watch her eyes glitter just that moment and I can tell she's there again, saying my name again for the first time and telling me the story in her beautiful broken english.
My middle name, Long, means Dragon. I wouldn't know that part until just last year. It never dawned on me to 'look' into it as it seemed a 'joke of body length' and it just didn't occur to me that it would have meaning beyond that.
It's appropriate for this time.
Next
Have I mentioned yet that my mother had hand and tongue speeds the likes of which God as never seen and approaching her with anything even remotely 'sensitive' was like approaching an angry Zeus with PMS...
"beware the bolt of her hand for it shall strike as the lightening through darkened skies upon your ass or between your eyes...." sang the Leprechaun to the little Sue, while she considers to journey, the journey called True.
I think it was October 13th... somewhere near my age 27th year before I actually sat down with mom to ask that question. I was already married, moved away, depressed and on the heavier side of my skin then was my norm due to an unhappy marriage that was soon to come ending.
I flew home to Denver for a few days and visited with mom...
Through two eyes, covered with two hands, through the breath of her sobbing cries and while the tears poured down through her fingers... my mother shared his name.
James Ford. Granted, I don't know that this is a totally true story as the family sort of chalked my mother up to a memory of 'less then always accurate' over the years, but something in my heart told me that this, at the minimum of any of the stories to come... is true.
"Mom... and what about my name?" I asked as delicately as I could during a moment when she was more calm.
"You have he eyes..." her eyes are glassy and she's somewhere very far away... oh my mother... how much I love you right now, this very moment that you are sharing a part of your heart that's been hidden for over 27 years...
"I name you Long..." she pauses to smile and giggle just a bit as if something almost mischievous was there...
"I name you Long for the middle because you born witd shor arm and leg, but you vewy long in'da'middle..." and I'm mesmerized as I watch her eyes glitter just that moment and I can tell she's there again, saying my name again for the first time and telling me the story in her beautiful broken english.
My middle name, Long, means Dragon. I wouldn't know that part until just last year. It never dawned on me to 'look' into it as it seemed a 'joke of body length' and it just didn't occur to me that it would have meaning beyond that.
It's appropriate for this time.
Next
*Flash* One
Let me back up a bit and tell you something about my 'beginnings' which I don't really have. I just turned forty and I'm sure if you've been paying attention, you should know that. My birthday is August 13th.... I think.
Everyone should know their 'begin' story don't you think? I do. I realize right this second that I'm about to 'write my begin story' and so this would be it, which I don't yet have. I'm pretty excited about that.
I was born in 1968 somewhere in the middle of Vietnam. My family and I came to the US in 1972 I believe... don't ask me to verify by checking my 'papers' as I'm not sure about the accuracy of any of my junk anyway. I do know it was all legal and I'm a US citizen now So... that's the year plus minus some few months in kid memory.
I remember wearing this little red top and white bell bottom pants with a silver belt. It was my first plane ride and we came in through the Port of Honolulu some sixteen plus hours later. I ate a bunch of hard boiled eggs that my mother brought and I remember farting a bunch and laughing because the people thought it was stinky and I thought that was hysterical at my wise old age of 4 and some months. I love the things that entertain children. :)
That's about all I know to be true about my younger years - other then the story where my jade bracelet fell off my arm. I was two and we were in Saigon, but that's a story already told.
My brother and I grew up as Americanized as my mother could possibly get us. Hamburgers, pizza, newspaper routes and public schools which we very well walked to and from each day. The childhood was rough because mother was somewhat ... temper mental. A four foot, eleven inch, 113lb package of Vietnamese TNT, my mother. Loved us so much she could move the moon with it if she tried, but crazy enough to kick our ass without hesitation no matter where we were. Period. Makes for extraordinarily well behaved children in public places after the first public 'beating' takes place and the child learns that the mother shall never hesitate.
My mother and father met in Vietnam when he was in the war and we were existing there. I was a baby so i don't remember much, but... I'll get to this back story. We grew up pretty much in southern California until we came to Colorado when I was eleven. For the most part, I knew my family to be my dad, mom and brother and for the longest time, I thought we were all of the same bloodline.
Right around the age of 14, I started to notice the discrepancy between the anniversary of my parents marriage and my birth date... so I say to myself one day in my 14th year... "hmmm?" and I don't really think of it again until the following year. Sparing the long story of 'how it came to be', I'll just start with, that was the year I came to my 'dad' and outright asked about the math and what it might mean that I was born two years before they were wed. He sat me down in that 'serious dad talk' way and spilled his story.... and that was the day I heard the first of the many stories of 'Me'.
"... I met your mother when you were just over a year. I loved her right away and knew that was it, I wanted her as my wife.... and you were already here and I loved you just as much and you would simply be my child...."
"I was in the military and they were bringing us home, I just told them you were my kid and they issued you a green card, social and ... that's it, we came to California."
"Do I have another dad?"
"...he abandoned you and your mother but you'll have to ask your mother for that story..."
Well... that'll be a duzy...
Next
Everyone should know their 'begin' story don't you think? I do. I realize right this second that I'm about to 'write my begin story' and so this would be it, which I don't yet have. I'm pretty excited about that.
I was born in 1968 somewhere in the middle of Vietnam. My family and I came to the US in 1972 I believe... don't ask me to verify by checking my 'papers' as I'm not sure about the accuracy of any of my junk anyway. I do know it was all legal and I'm a US citizen now So... that's the year plus minus some few months in kid memory.
I remember wearing this little red top and white bell bottom pants with a silver belt. It was my first plane ride and we came in through the Port of Honolulu some sixteen plus hours later. I ate a bunch of hard boiled eggs that my mother brought and I remember farting a bunch and laughing because the people thought it was stinky and I thought that was hysterical at my wise old age of 4 and some months. I love the things that entertain children. :)
That's about all I know to be true about my younger years - other then the story where my jade bracelet fell off my arm. I was two and we were in Saigon, but that's a story already told.
My brother and I grew up as Americanized as my mother could possibly get us. Hamburgers, pizza, newspaper routes and public schools which we very well walked to and from each day. The childhood was rough because mother was somewhat ... temper mental. A four foot, eleven inch, 113lb package of Vietnamese TNT, my mother. Loved us so much she could move the moon with it if she tried, but crazy enough to kick our ass without hesitation no matter where we were. Period. Makes for extraordinarily well behaved children in public places after the first public 'beating' takes place and the child learns that the mother shall never hesitate.
My mother and father met in Vietnam when he was in the war and we were existing there. I was a baby so i don't remember much, but... I'll get to this back story. We grew up pretty much in southern California until we came to Colorado when I was eleven. For the most part, I knew my family to be my dad, mom and brother and for the longest time, I thought we were all of the same bloodline.
Right around the age of 14, I started to notice the discrepancy between the anniversary of my parents marriage and my birth date... so I say to myself one day in my 14th year... "hmmm?" and I don't really think of it again until the following year. Sparing the long story of 'how it came to be', I'll just start with, that was the year I came to my 'dad' and outright asked about the math and what it might mean that I was born two years before they were wed. He sat me down in that 'serious dad talk' way and spilled his story.... and that was the day I heard the first of the many stories of 'Me'.
"... I met your mother when you were just over a year. I loved her right away and knew that was it, I wanted her as my wife.... and you were already here and I loved you just as much and you would simply be my child...."
"I was in the military and they were bringing us home, I just told them you were my kid and they issued you a green card, social and ... that's it, we came to California."
"Do I have another dad?"
"...he abandoned you and your mother but you'll have to ask your mother for that story..."
Well... that'll be a duzy...
Next
Day CD start
"Oh for crap sakes...
Did everything just end? "
"It did indeed."
"Well what the heck am I supposed to do with this? And why are you here?
Are you sure the story went like this?"
"I'm sure and besides, you just got started."
"What happened do you know?"
"Best I can tell... you left the coffee pot on."
"oh, this is MY fault?"
"not really but it sounded good and I know how seriously you take things. Just trying to make light of a dim situation..."
How the Universe Ended Over a Corona:
"Dim indeed..."
Izzy sits to consider this most profound and new situation... Slowly she begins to realize that this day simply wasn't going to go as planned and Looking back at Dac, she takes a moment to pause before asking the next question...
"So... what you mean to say is, mid tuna fish sandwich, we lost the earth."
"Well... sort of. We lost the whole Universe is a better way to say things."
"... nice..."
A most stunning statement indeed, as the idea of losing the Earth is one thing Izzy might have been able to digest with her Corona, but the whole Universe... that was a big deal. She sat in silence just a while longer to take in the enormity of what Dac was saying. Looking down over her shoulder, she notices the huge open, starless black expanse before them.
"Nuther beer?" asked Dac.
A quick sniffle of the nose, glancing once again over her shoulder and raising a curious brow...
"Why not...." she replies.
I have to wonder how this day came to be like this you know? I knew I was supposed to expect something this month, but dang... the whole universe coming to an end is just... well it just seems so unreasonable? No? Mid summer Sunday, watching some innocent TV and witnessing all the worldly crap go by and seeing the 'machine' in motion... I decide I'm gonna finally read the Hitchhikers Guide to the Universe. I got it for myself last Christmas and it's the super cool black leather bound, all five books in one book, Book. THE Guide.
Who knew he wrote all that. I've never read any one of them although I've meant to for a long time now. After having read the first 13 pages or so, I realize I probably should have started reading sooner, but hey, all things happen as they should, so such as it is. I begin to read it today and *poof*, by co-incidence, the Universe ended. Just like that - quite simply, in a nutshell.
Here I happen to be at page 66, begin page 67, Chapter 12.
One of the first things I think to myself is "dang... this book seems like I'm reading the Never ending story like story..." Ford Perfect??? Come on now! That was the 'co-incidence that cinched the whole thing up for me and got me to this keyboard. I've decided that this MUST be the end of the Universe and I simply need to get started with the beginning.
Next
Did everything just end? "
"It did indeed."
"Well what the heck am I supposed to do with this? And why are you here?
Are you sure the story went like this?"
"I'm sure and besides, you just got started."
"What happened do you know?"
"Best I can tell... you left the coffee pot on."
"oh, this is MY fault?"
"not really but it sounded good and I know how seriously you take things. Just trying to make light of a dim situation..."
How the Universe Ended Over a Corona:
"Dim indeed..."
Izzy sits to consider this most profound and new situation... Slowly she begins to realize that this day simply wasn't going to go as planned and Looking back at Dac, she takes a moment to pause before asking the next question...
"So... what you mean to say is, mid tuna fish sandwich, we lost the earth."
"Well... sort of. We lost the whole Universe is a better way to say things."
"... nice..."
A most stunning statement indeed, as the idea of losing the Earth is one thing Izzy might have been able to digest with her Corona, but the whole Universe... that was a big deal. She sat in silence just a while longer to take in the enormity of what Dac was saying. Looking down over her shoulder, she notices the huge open, starless black expanse before them.
"Nuther beer?" asked Dac.
A quick sniffle of the nose, glancing once again over her shoulder and raising a curious brow...
"Why not...." she replies.
I have to wonder how this day came to be like this you know? I knew I was supposed to expect something this month, but dang... the whole universe coming to an end is just... well it just seems so unreasonable? No? Mid summer Sunday, watching some innocent TV and witnessing all the worldly crap go by and seeing the 'machine' in motion... I decide I'm gonna finally read the Hitchhikers Guide to the Universe. I got it for myself last Christmas and it's the super cool black leather bound, all five books in one book, Book. THE Guide.
Who knew he wrote all that. I've never read any one of them although I've meant to for a long time now. After having read the first 13 pages or so, I realize I probably should have started reading sooner, but hey, all things happen as they should, so such as it is. I begin to read it today and *poof*, by co-incidence, the Universe ended. Just like that - quite simply, in a nutshell.
Here I happen to be at page 66, begin page 67, Chapter 12.
One of the first things I think to myself is "dang... this book seems like I'm reading the Never ending story like story..." Ford Perfect??? Come on now! That was the 'co-incidence that cinched the whole thing up for me and got me to this keyboard. I've decided that this MUST be the end of the Universe and I simply need to get started with the beginning.
Next
13.8.08
40
Yeah, that would be me. Exactly 13 minutes old at this age...right this minute.
You don't even have to try really... more then just invite it to happen and stand outta the way - look right after your impulse and appreciate the magic of it. Allow for your heart to just experience the surprise and amazement... giggle about it, go with that grand smile that's forming across your face. Feeeel it and enjoy. Believe even if you're laughing out loud that you 'Just can't BELIEVE it!"... you can and it's just like that.
That's Source. Whatever you name it or I name it or anyone calls it, it feels like that and that's not even a drop in the bucket.
They'll smile in the clouds when you walk and you'll see them say Hi in license plates, street names, phone numbers...all over the place all the time.
It'll be what the center of your heart is calling. Trust what you feel. Trust your heart and know it. And then know that you won't trust that at all... because you'll think you're crazy.
But otherwise, it'll feel like you're a kid with a brand new box of crayons... and the colors are yours to create and it won't feel like you have to share, but rather you're heart will explode into a want to share and you'll feel like dancing and kissing someone! You really will...
And then suddenly when you're in the center of that bliss... it'll throw this amazingly chaotic curve ball at you and you'll wake up one day feeling like crap. And you might freak out, get a little paranoid because you're starting to 'feel' more but you're not recognizing it yet... but 'deep inside', there will be this little tiny voice that almost seems like you're 'watching' all this happen. Almost like a lucid dream... but you're not quite sure you're dreaming yet.
You'll ask yourself over and over if you're losing your mind, if you're depressed ... you'll go through all the stuff you see on commercials. You'll even most likely go see a doctor to make sure you're not 'sick' or growing 'fuzz' in the wallpaper or anything, but AFTER you find out that you're actually well....
You'll be starting your decision making process and you'll be faced with the question of....
"Well?"
And then you'll reaaaally freak out and this is where you have to either hold on to the magic and insist it's magic and you're just getting used to it... or decide to go see a shrink.
Nothing wrong with them and by far, I'm not giving anyone advice so if you go see a shrink and it sucks, don't blame me, I never went.
I did do everything else to check my health, but I never got a pill or gave into the idea that I was fully out of control... to each our own.
I openly let you know that I live in delicious ma(dd)ness, so... take that for what it is.
Moving on...
As you freak out and think that you're about to crack the last nut in the bowl... it'll all mellow out and all of a sudden, something will make sense. And you'll be back to bliss for a minute...
So just breathe when you're wiggin' out, get some good music on and decide to just go with it without any reason to. Pretend you're a madd scientist or a super hero or something...
Then it'll get worse and then it'll get better.
It's a long ride, so ... be sure to be ready. Expect to make friends with your ego and expect that to suck too. Let me tell you something about Ego because I'm a Leo and I have an ego like no ones business... it's hard to make it move over and share the wheel. You have to negotiate in love, while pissed off at yourself and feeling awful about it. Having said that, diamonds are not made inside of mash potatoes... just remember that.
If you didn't 'get that' it means that you're foolin' yourself if you think it's not a direct reflection of yourself... so, pressure's on to 'know thyself' cupcake. :) Oh, and you might not even recognize your ego right off the bat either... if you're the religious type or a gamer or have something in your life that makes an 'imprint'... it might come out that way too. Demons are not coming out of the trees, the mailman has not bugged your house somehow and ... whatever else like that. It might be what you call 'god' or 'source' or 'universe' or just 'the 'more'... saying 'hey you there, wanna come play? :)
Plus or minus some intensity. Just know to expect 'The Red Pill' and when you're caught off guard and outta breath... know that your body is designed to take a break anyway and you DO have that split moment to just 'be okay' and let it happen.
Otherwise, you might think you're going insane or something. This is all I can think of to share right now. Not bad for being 1 hour 11 minutes old right this minute - how funny is that...
CraZZiest part?
All these things you've read up to here...? Really did and still DO happen to me.
Next
You don't even have to try really... more then just invite it to happen and stand outta the way - look right after your impulse and appreciate the magic of it. Allow for your heart to just experience the surprise and amazement... giggle about it, go with that grand smile that's forming across your face. Feeeel it and enjoy. Believe even if you're laughing out loud that you 'Just can't BELIEVE it!"... you can and it's just like that.
That's Source. Whatever you name it or I name it or anyone calls it, it feels like that and that's not even a drop in the bucket.
They'll smile in the clouds when you walk and you'll see them say Hi in license plates, street names, phone numbers...all over the place all the time.
It'll be what the center of your heart is calling. Trust what you feel. Trust your heart and know it. And then know that you won't trust that at all... because you'll think you're crazy.
But otherwise, it'll feel like you're a kid with a brand new box of crayons... and the colors are yours to create and it won't feel like you have to share, but rather you're heart will explode into a want to share and you'll feel like dancing and kissing someone! You really will...
And then suddenly when you're in the center of that bliss... it'll throw this amazingly chaotic curve ball at you and you'll wake up one day feeling like crap. And you might freak out, get a little paranoid because you're starting to 'feel' more but you're not recognizing it yet... but 'deep inside', there will be this little tiny voice that almost seems like you're 'watching' all this happen. Almost like a lucid dream... but you're not quite sure you're dreaming yet.
You'll ask yourself over and over if you're losing your mind, if you're depressed ... you'll go through all the stuff you see on commercials. You'll even most likely go see a doctor to make sure you're not 'sick' or growing 'fuzz' in the wallpaper or anything, but AFTER you find out that you're actually well....
You'll be starting your decision making process and you'll be faced with the question of....
"Well?"
And then you'll reaaaally freak out and this is where you have to either hold on to the magic and insist it's magic and you're just getting used to it... or decide to go see a shrink.
Nothing wrong with them and by far, I'm not giving anyone advice so if you go see a shrink and it sucks, don't blame me, I never went.
I did do everything else to check my health, but I never got a pill or gave into the idea that I was fully out of control... to each our own.
I openly let you know that I live in delicious ma(dd)ness, so... take that for what it is.
Moving on...
As you freak out and think that you're about to crack the last nut in the bowl... it'll all mellow out and all of a sudden, something will make sense. And you'll be back to bliss for a minute...
So just breathe when you're wiggin' out, get some good music on and decide to just go with it without any reason to. Pretend you're a madd scientist or a super hero or something...
Then it'll get worse and then it'll get better.
It's a long ride, so ... be sure to be ready. Expect to make friends with your ego and expect that to suck too. Let me tell you something about Ego because I'm a Leo and I have an ego like no ones business... it's hard to make it move over and share the wheel. You have to negotiate in love, while pissed off at yourself and feeling awful about it. Having said that, diamonds are not made inside of mash potatoes... just remember that.
If you didn't 'get that' it means that you're foolin' yourself if you think it's not a direct reflection of yourself... so, pressure's on to 'know thyself' cupcake. :) Oh, and you might not even recognize your ego right off the bat either... if you're the religious type or a gamer or have something in your life that makes an 'imprint'... it might come out that way too. Demons are not coming out of the trees, the mailman has not bugged your house somehow and ... whatever else like that. It might be what you call 'god' or 'source' or 'universe' or just 'the 'more'... saying 'hey you there, wanna come play? :)
Plus or minus some intensity. Just know to expect 'The Red Pill' and when you're caught off guard and outta breath... know that your body is designed to take a break anyway and you DO have that split moment to just 'be okay' and let it happen.
Otherwise, you might think you're going insane or something. This is all I can think of to share right now. Not bad for being 1 hour 11 minutes old right this minute - how funny is that...
CraZZiest part?
All these things you've read up to here...? Really did and still DO happen to me.
Next
3.8.08
Five Til Done...
~"Are you hear to hurt me gentlemen?" ! where the fuck did THAT come from crap!... make no reaction... breathe.... no reaction.... no hesitation... smiling.... looking at Chance right in the eyes.
~"... or are YOU here to hurt US Susan?..."
He's stands up pulling his sunglasses out of his pocket... were they on a rope the first time I saw them??? And why is he pulling them out of his pocket now? It's almost 9pm, the sun is down...
He sits back down... a handful of seconds... Robert shifts.... and from the corner of my eye, I can see my slider is open.... drop my eyes to the table.... one pair, two pair, three pair of clasped hands, two empty and one holding glasses on a rope.... my heart is racing and DAMN IT, the goosebumps....
I lean back.... smile... breathe smile...
"No, Chance. It's been a strange few months gentlemen and I have to say that if I'm going to believe in my beliefs, then I have to assume that YOU are just the same as I am."
"... that's pretty fair of you..."
"Until you hurt me, I choose to believe that's not your first intent....? Isn't that what you assume...? or again, DID you come here to hurt me? Or just have a beer and allow me to thank you for your help?"
Then all of a sudden, my littlest kitten LB, comes running out the door, crouched, ears back and straight to my feet....
"IS YOUR CAT Affraid of US?" His voice was like a thunderclap into my ears and the motion went slower ... I turned my head to see him and he leaned forward and his eyes were HUGE! "Are you COLD DEAR?... I see Goosebumps on your arm there"
Slower. Thicker is this air now... or am I in water? My kitten, picking her up and she tucks her head into my arm... walking to my door and putting her inside again. Close the door this time my mind cries....
I pick her up.... "no, if she were, then she wouldn't have come out...." this door has been open the whole time, she's not come out until just now... PAY FUCKING ATTENTION SUSAN... put her inside and close the damn door....
How did he just get to my side?...
Fractions of seconds...... " The rope on my sunglasses has come detached, do you have a screwdriver in the house I can use?"
the door is unlocked, he could just walk in if he wants.... FLASH... rope, my neck, the floor, my body.... I take one step back, just out of his reach... stay calm... He CAN just walk in if he's here to hurt me... there are two of them...
"....Can I have your blessing and use your bathroom?".... booming voice.... barely there....my head turns to Robert who is now standing and holding a couple of empty beer bottles....
He hasn't fucking spoken the whole time and NOW, he asks me for my BLESSING to pee??? What the fuck??? PAY ATTENTION SUSAN.... fractions of seconds....
Head turning back to Chance standing at my sliding glass door.... left hand, rope end, right hand rope end, middle tight.... fingers tight, veins in his wrist are out.... my heart is pounding in my head POUNDING.... center of vision is narrow to the hands... to the eyes.... to Roberts eyes.... narrow to his wrist.... his pulse is high..... my little LB ran out... FLASH mother...
it's not a cigar... control my breath... fractions of seconds... "Don't move until you see it"... Bobby Fischer....
"...look at his eyez... FLASH....omg... I don't think he CAN hurt me...."
BOOMING VOICE.... firm in the air, my voice, but barely there to my ears, but to theirs...
"Gentlemen, I've enjoyed our talks... I think it's time we call this a night...I thank you both for your help..."
"...I've heard what you've come to share. I'd rather you both leave through the side gate please... and I'll meet you around the front with that screw driver.... I'm sorry to be rude, but I'd rather you not go back thru my house."
oh my fucking gawd... where did that come from.... holding still... comfortably motioning with hands to the side yard gate....
"... If you ever need anything, here's my card.... have a good night"
Two things! The young one says nothing all night, asked me to bless him to go pee and now hands me his card.... my eyes glance down....
Cornman Chance... Acme Roofing.
blink blink blink.... you're kidding right?
=======================================
The next morning.... am I dead?.... no.
Check the card again... did that really happen? Yes! Oh crap...
Three days before the Corn Moon...
Grateful, filled with gratitude, crying in thanks, crying in blessings, crying for joy and love and thankful... thankful thankful....
My birthday this year is three days before the Corn Moon...
Next
Three Bowls....
...and one hour later...
"You've been very generous, let us get our weed now..."
~smiles~ No thanks - I insist... please, continue to feel free....
"okay, well then back to what I was saying...
So who would have guessed that someone like ME... a SIMPLE ROOFER... would be able to write a book that STEPHEN HAWKING would be interested in, but.... blah blah blah... and now he and I keep in touch via email all the time....blah blah blah.... so did you say you were writing something? " He leans forward.... "hmmm?"
I pulled back a bit from the table... heart pounding... "no reaction... make no reaction" smilez...
Fractions of a second passing by in slow motion....tilt my head, lower my eyes, smile a small bashful grin, cross my legs.... a second clicks by....
Shifting my eyes to Robert... smilez....slight tilt of head the other way and my eyes shift back to Chance.... half seconds.... he's taking is sunglasses off.... "was he wearing sunglasses?" eyes shifting to his eyes... black and diamond centers....
FLASH.... two seconds.... mine shift back to Robert... ".... the eyes are like a Pharaoh..." yes that's the way they are...
"No, I'm not really writing anything Chance. I'm a nerd for a living really and my writing is just about my head funk...blah blah blah....so I'm much more interested in you telling me about your book, you said you and STEPHEN HAWKING are friends?....."
".... so the book deals with Time and Space and GOD if you will but who's to say which GOD is right for people or even to say that one GOD covers the whole damn thing anyway, I mean there's this story in the bible.... blah blah blah... and the angles had two hours....blah blah blah... but MY GOD Lucifer....blah blah blah..."
"... blink blink... that was sooo faint....what did he say?" BOOMING VOICE barely there...the little one has yet to speak...?"
"... and you're so trusting Susan.. I mean really, to let two total strangers walk right into your house, I mean you're a woman who lives alone and what? Does your family check on you daily? Probably not, so if something WERE to happen to you, why, it might be dayz before anyone would even think to check on you....blah blah blah.... and women like you should be more careful, bless her heart, but I have a friend who just passed away the other day from doing something just like this...blah blah blah... do you believe in GOD Susan?"
Blinking... blinking... eyes shifting, heart racing... fractions of seconds.... "don't react... Shawn Connery....never hesitate..." My eyes shift to Robert who hasn't said a thing at all this whole time, but has just sat there with his chin resting on the back of his hands, only shifting his eyes from Chance to me and back again.... I noticed.... damn it... goosebumps....
"Robert, you haven't said anything this whole conversation. In truth gentlemen, I find that odd... what do YOU think of all this conversation Robert?"
Chance leans over toward Robert.... "am I really hearing this?"
"...He's here so that WE can talk Susan." the air space just imploded onto my feet... my eyes drop to the center of the table.... and back up again... smiles....
No reply from Robert.... he just shifted his eyes and smiled, lowered his clasped hands from his chin onto the table and reached for the pipe....
My eyes shift back to Chance... who now had his hand inside of his pocket.... he leans forward and FLASH "...my what big eyes you have..." "all the better to see you with"....
Next
"You've been very generous, let us get our weed now..."
~smiles~ No thanks - I insist... please, continue to feel free....
"okay, well then back to what I was saying...
So who would have guessed that someone like ME... a SIMPLE ROOFER... would be able to write a book that STEPHEN HAWKING would be interested in, but.... blah blah blah... and now he and I keep in touch via email all the time....blah blah blah.... so did you say you were writing something? " He leans forward.... "hmmm?"
I pulled back a bit from the table... heart pounding... "no reaction... make no reaction" smilez...
Fractions of a second passing by in slow motion....tilt my head, lower my eyes, smile a small bashful grin, cross my legs.... a second clicks by....
Shifting my eyes to Robert... smilez....slight tilt of head the other way and my eyes shift back to Chance.... half seconds.... he's taking is sunglasses off.... "was he wearing sunglasses?" eyes shifting to his eyes... black and diamond centers....
FLASH.... two seconds.... mine shift back to Robert... ".... the eyes are like a Pharaoh..." yes that's the way they are...
"No, I'm not really writing anything Chance. I'm a nerd for a living really and my writing is just about my head funk...blah blah blah....so I'm much more interested in you telling me about your book, you said you and STEPHEN HAWKING are friends?....."
".... so the book deals with Time and Space and GOD if you will but who's to say which GOD is right for people or even to say that one GOD covers the whole damn thing anyway, I mean there's this story in the bible.... blah blah blah... and the angles had two hours....blah blah blah... but MY GOD Lucifer....blah blah blah..."
"... blink blink... that was sooo faint....what did he say?" BOOMING VOICE barely there...the little one has yet to speak...?"
"... and you're so trusting Susan.. I mean really, to let two total strangers walk right into your house, I mean you're a woman who lives alone and what? Does your family check on you daily? Probably not, so if something WERE to happen to you, why, it might be dayz before anyone would even think to check on you....blah blah blah.... and women like you should be more careful, bless her heart, but I have a friend who just passed away the other day from doing something just like this...blah blah blah... do you believe in GOD Susan?"
Blinking... blinking... eyes shifting, heart racing... fractions of seconds.... "don't react... Shawn Connery....never hesitate..." My eyes shift to Robert who hasn't said a thing at all this whole time, but has just sat there with his chin resting on the back of his hands, only shifting his eyes from Chance to me and back again.... I noticed.... damn it... goosebumps....
"Robert, you haven't said anything this whole conversation. In truth gentlemen, I find that odd... what do YOU think of all this conversation Robert?"
Chance leans over toward Robert.... "am I really hearing this?"
"...He's here so that WE can talk Susan." the air space just imploded onto my feet... my eyes drop to the center of the table.... and back up again... smiles....
No reply from Robert.... he just shifted his eyes and smiled, lowered his clasped hands from his chin onto the table and reached for the pipe....
My eyes shift back to Chance... who now had his hand inside of his pocket.... he leans forward and FLASH "...my what big eyes you have..." "all the better to see you with"....
Next
Chance Encounter
August 25, 2007... 9Eagle, three days prior to the Corn Moon (eclipsed).
7pm start... 8:55pm end. One hour, fifty five minute conversation....
I turned 39 most uneventfully....
Counting the 13th and counting the 25th, the boys came here on day 13.
==================================================
Bliss bliss, head in clouds, reality gone, blissful dancing, playing....
A beer sounds great!... glancing at clock, it's not even seven yet, it's cocktail hour and just on time....
I jumped out of the chair and into my keys and car...
"... what the ... oh please start, please?..." pump gas pump gas, turn key turn key... crap! Glance left... oh what luck, roofers next door coming down the latter... just on time... HEY! You guys, can you help me? My car won't start, would you mind to help me push it back so that I can get the red car out?"
~smiles... Hi. Sure, we'll give you hand...
"Awesome! Thank you so much! (heart beaming blissfully naive)... I'm only going down the street and should be back in just a minute, if you guys are still here, please join me for a beer in thanks for your help..."
~smiles... That sounds great thanks.
"I'm Susan"
~smiles... Um, I'm Chance and that's my cousin Robert. We'll see you in a bit.
~silent tic~ did he just hesitate?
smiles... "great, be right back"
================================================
Driving to the liquor store, smiling, head in the clouds, this whole number spin is amazing... I'm in love with it.... it's bliss....
"... are they grey?"
flash flash... eyes eyes....
"... what do you mean grey?... they have no color... no, know, no... what IS IT?"
"... that'll be $13.98...
smiles - thanks!
Driving home....
Flash flash blink blink blinking blinking... smiling? blinking...
"... they have know light".... what?!
what do you mean no light?
FLASH! some Maya story of a mother sending a rat... tricks, they play tricks...
"it looks like a cigar but it's not one"... FLASH... driving...eyes, no know light no invite, Lost Boys FLASH... never invite them in..." WHAT? fucking calm down....
~smile~
Hey guys! :) Are you done next door?
~smiles~
"Yes we are..."
Great... smiles ... come on in... "behind them... stay behind them".... smiles.... please go through and to the sliding glass door, I think we'll be more comfortable outside.... smiles....
"... did I just hesitate?"
~smiles~ .... faint.... meow.... smiles.... my kitten....
Please, have a seat, would you guys like a beer? "please..." in stero...
"... deep chuckle...." I turn my head at the door once I slide it open.... yes?
"... do you smoke...?... anything?"
FLASH, share mine.
~smiles~ as a matter of fact I do and I'll bring that out along with the beers... be right back.
~smiles~ "we have some in the van, let me get ours...."
~smiles~ no. We'll smoke mine. I insist.
~smiles~ "okay, sure..." They both smile... and I smile and walk in the door.
======================================
Getting beers, finding weed, glass, lighter....
FLASH.... rat....
"...why is my heart racing? Where's that bottle opener? Damn it....
why is my heart racing? Am I fuzzy? FLASH... smoke mine only... we'll smoke only my weed.
...meow... oh hi LB... that's my Littlest Bit of kitten... sweetness... we have company....
So... Be Nice. "
======================================
Three beers in one hand, weed, glass pipe and lighter in the other... hands full....
"Hey guys." :)
I offer the beers, we toast, smile, each take a drink, I set the pipe, jar of weed and lighter down in the center of the table and offer to each with a wave of my hand.... " please... help yourselves as it suits you, there's plenty...."
"... did I close the slider?"
"WELL! then if you don't mind, I will help myself...."
Chance picks up the pipe and we begin to share a smoke around the table. Wow, this is getting a bit fuzzy in my head... did the air get thick? I'm not even half done with this beer?...
~smiles... smoke....pass... looking at Chance.... "so, how old are you guys? Can I ask..."
"I'm 45 and Roberts 22." ~smoke.... passs.... I turn my head to Robert... "he IS uncommonly dark around the eyes... like he hasn't slept for weeks or something.... smile.... blond hair and perfect M cowlick....no reply except to pass the pipe to me..."
Next
7pm start... 8:55pm end. One hour, fifty five minute conversation....
I turned 39 most uneventfully....
Counting the 13th and counting the 25th, the boys came here on day 13.
==================================================
Bliss bliss, head in clouds, reality gone, blissful dancing, playing....
A beer sounds great!... glancing at clock, it's not even seven yet, it's cocktail hour and just on time....
I jumped out of the chair and into my keys and car...
"... what the ... oh please start, please?..." pump gas pump gas, turn key turn key... crap! Glance left... oh what luck, roofers next door coming down the latter... just on time... HEY! You guys, can you help me? My car won't start, would you mind to help me push it back so that I can get the red car out?"
~smiles... Hi. Sure, we'll give you hand...
"Awesome! Thank you so much! (heart beaming blissfully naive)... I'm only going down the street and should be back in just a minute, if you guys are still here, please join me for a beer in thanks for your help..."
~smiles... That sounds great thanks.
"I'm Susan"
~smiles... Um, I'm Chance and that's my cousin Robert. We'll see you in a bit.
~silent tic~ did he just hesitate?
smiles... "great, be right back"
================================================
Driving to the liquor store, smiling, head in the clouds, this whole number spin is amazing... I'm in love with it.... it's bliss....
"... are they grey?"
flash flash... eyes eyes....
"... what do you mean grey?... they have no color... no, know, no... what IS IT?"
"... that'll be $13.98...
smiles - thanks!
Driving home....
Flash flash blink blink blinking blinking... smiling? blinking...
"... they have know light".... what?!
what do you mean no light?
FLASH! some Maya story of a mother sending a rat... tricks, they play tricks...
"it looks like a cigar but it's not one"... FLASH... driving...eyes, no know light no invite, Lost Boys FLASH... never invite them in..." WHAT? fucking calm down....
~smile~
Hey guys! :) Are you done next door?
~smiles~
"Yes we are..."
Great... smiles ... come on in... "behind them... stay behind them".... smiles.... please go through and to the sliding glass door, I think we'll be more comfortable outside.... smiles....
"... did I just hesitate?"
~smiles~ .... faint.... meow.... smiles.... my kitten....
Please, have a seat, would you guys like a beer? "please..." in stero...
"... deep chuckle...." I turn my head at the door once I slide it open.... yes?
"... do you smoke...?... anything?"
FLASH, share mine.
~smiles~ as a matter of fact I do and I'll bring that out along with the beers... be right back.
~smiles~ "we have some in the van, let me get ours...."
~smiles~ no. We'll smoke mine. I insist.
~smiles~ "okay, sure..." They both smile... and I smile and walk in the door.
======================================
Getting beers, finding weed, glass, lighter....
FLASH.... rat....
"...why is my heart racing? Where's that bottle opener? Damn it....
why is my heart racing? Am I fuzzy? FLASH... smoke mine only... we'll smoke only my weed.
...meow... oh hi LB... that's my Littlest Bit of kitten... sweetness... we have company....
So... Be Nice. "
======================================
Three beers in one hand, weed, glass pipe and lighter in the other... hands full....
"Hey guys." :)
I offer the beers, we toast, smile, each take a drink, I set the pipe, jar of weed and lighter down in the center of the table and offer to each with a wave of my hand.... " please... help yourselves as it suits you, there's plenty...."
"... did I close the slider?"
"WELL! then if you don't mind, I will help myself...."
Chance picks up the pipe and we begin to share a smoke around the table. Wow, this is getting a bit fuzzy in my head... did the air get thick? I'm not even half done with this beer?...
~smiles... smoke....pass... looking at Chance.... "so, how old are you guys? Can I ask..."
"I'm 45 and Roberts 22." ~smoke.... passs.... I turn my head to Robert... "he IS uncommonly dark around the eyes... like he hasn't slept for weeks or something.... smile.... blond hair and perfect M cowlick....no reply except to pass the pipe to me..."
Next
The Message...
The Message:
"....And to help the people of that time before the great cycle closes...show the people of the Earth the count of the tun uc, the count of the seven, the four, and the thirteen. In this way..."
http://www.lawoftime.org/law/subjective5.html
3.26.603 Birth
8.31.683 Death
9 years tomb open
692 sealed
692 to 1952 reopened = 1260
692 to 2012 = 1320
60 years.
13 x 20 = 260 Tzolkin
18 x 20 = 360 Tun
18 x 20 = 360 + 5 = 365 Haab
7 x 4 x 13 = 364 'Moon' (3+6+4) = 13
April 8th, 2012 (4.8.2012) Easter
April 8th, 2007 (4.8.2007) Easter
Five years.
Easter falls on April 8th, only twice in a 60 year span….
"...in tHis way..."
Did you just say Hi?
======================================
First there was one... and it wasn't enough.
Then Two came along to show us more stuff.
Now I see Three near a willow tree.
Four says there's more and points to a door.
Five is there like a guiding light.
They taught us thru Six, to learn a false fright.
But no, said the Seven...
There are Eight gates to heaven.
Nine is divine and a mirror of Six.
Ten at the end is the real trick.
Eleven sings the song of sparrow...
Twelve keeps our time and shows us Tomorrow.
Then there is Thirteen. And more to come.
All combined to show us the Sun.
All combined on a path back to One.
1+2+3+4... do you see it now? This opens a door...
+5+6+7 and 8.... here we stand just shy of the gate....
+9+10+11 and then
+12+13 and this is the end.
A quarter away from One again.
And more to come...
as we dance to the Sun...
ABCDEFG...
Remember that song?
You sang it with me.
We danced about the grass and the trees...
Singing and humming along with the bees.
Then a Storm came and we danced in thunder.
And we saw more then letter... we saw the number.
Then the tune changed, but not in our brain,
And our schools taught us rules and our eyes were stained.
How complicated, how unrelated, how over and under!
It was too much then... so I ran from the thunder!
And the tune of number was like an unfed hunger.
Then a day came in my late adult spring,
My ears turned and they looked again.
ABCDEFG....
But more is there, I'm reminded to see...
As above, it said so below.
So I looked there and what do you know...
Not only the letter looks back at me,
But now an ocean under that sea...
An ocean of motion, of color and sound.
A real reality is what I've found.
Voices of past and present are one.
A masterful dance of light and sun!
Then the boys came and told me to sit...
As I looked at the bets... they turned into bits.
Again the sound of thunder and this time with LOVE!
Its true that below, is so what's above!
And now I sit here with my new found ear.
My eyes tuning to the sound of what's there.
Both a bet AND a bit, in the alpha string...
It's not one OR the other...It's AND, everything.
"...huh...?" okay well, whatever, the poetry is bliss!
Next
"....And to help the people of that time before the great cycle closes...show the people of the Earth the count of the tun uc, the count of the seven, the four, and the thirteen. In this way..."
http://www.lawoftime.org/law/subjective5.html
3.26.603 Birth
8.31.683 Death
9 years tomb open
692 sealed
692 to 1952 reopened = 1260
692 to 2012 = 1320
60 years.
13 x 20 = 260 Tzolkin
18 x 20 = 360 Tun
18 x 20 = 360 + 5 = 365 Haab
7 x 4 x 13 = 364 'Moon' (3+6+4) = 13
April 8th, 2012 (4.8.2012) Easter
April 8th, 2007 (4.8.2007) Easter
Five years.
Easter falls on April 8th, only twice in a 60 year span….
"...in tHis way..."
Did you just say Hi?
======================================
First there was one... and it wasn't enough.
Then Two came along to show us more stuff.
Now I see Three near a willow tree.
Four says there's more and points to a door.
Five is there like a guiding light.
They taught us thru Six, to learn a false fright.
But no, said the Seven...
There are Eight gates to heaven.
Nine is divine and a mirror of Six.
Ten at the end is the real trick.
Eleven sings the song of sparrow...
Twelve keeps our time and shows us Tomorrow.
Then there is Thirteen. And more to come.
All combined to show us the Sun.
All combined on a path back to One.
1+2+3+4... do you see it now? This opens a door...
+5+6+7 and 8.... here we stand just shy of the gate....
+9+10+11 and then
+12+13 and this is the end.
A quarter away from One again.
And more to come...
as we dance to the Sun...
======================================
Oh nice... so we've got poetry going now...? Well that's fucking great considering I don't know how to write poetry...
======================================
ABCDEFG...
Remember that song?
You sang it with me.
We danced about the grass and the trees...
Singing and humming along with the bees.
Then a Storm came and we danced in thunder.
And we saw more then letter... we saw the number.
Then the tune changed, but not in our brain,
And our schools taught us rules and our eyes were stained.
How complicated, how unrelated, how over and under!
It was too much then... so I ran from the thunder!
And the tune of number was like an unfed hunger.
Then a day came in my late adult spring,
My ears turned and they looked again.
ABCDEFG....
But more is there, I'm reminded to see...
As above, it said so below.
So I looked there and what do you know...
Not only the letter looks back at me,
But now an ocean under that sea...
An ocean of motion, of color and sound.
A real reality is what I've found.
Voices of past and present are one.
A masterful dance of light and sun!
Then the boys came and told me to sit...
As I looked at the bets... they turned into bits.
Again the sound of thunder and this time with LOVE!
Its true that below, is so what's above!
And now I sit here with my new found ear.
My eyes tuning to the sound of what's there.
Both a bet AND a bit, in the alpha string...
It's not one OR the other...It's AND, everything.
"...huh...?" okay well, whatever, the poetry is bliss!
Next
Pause Recall a Dream
1991-ish...
"What are you Here to know?"
In a silent white space is where I found myself. Not hearing. Not listening. Not knowing. I walked forward into the endless white space of this place...just forward with no thought and no intent. Then a small black dot was ahead. Like a single black blemish in this perfect land of peaceful nothing and I just gave it notice and continued to walk.
A skinny black figure was there. His eyes gentle with wisdom and deep with mischief but eyes that I somehow knew and loved right away. I stood there looking into them, tracing the outline of his face, his nappy grey hair... his wrinkled yellow linen shirt hung on his frame like a tea stain and a pair of old ankles in shiny black shoes. A perfect crease in his pant leg and the eyes, never moving their fix on me as I looked over this familiar figure in the white. He was content to let me have my look. Patient until I was ready. A bow tie was wrapped around his neck and I just knew somehow that his love had tied that for him. Then I wondered if I knew how to tie a bow tie?
I managed a small smile after a while ... but he didn't move or shift his gaze from me. He wasn't smoking anything but there seemed to be a corn cob pipe in between his lips, is what I was thinking. I was content to let him have his look also. I noticed the knobs in his bony knees bent over the edge of that straight back chair and it was funny to me that I really didn't see the chair at all either... just him in it.
"Well my dear, you've come with a question for me" He finally said. I managed the smile but waited for him to speak first. It just seemed proper that way. Had I come here with a question I wondered? Or was he telling me I had?
"May I know something Mister?" I whispered after a moment. Not fearful to ask, but perhaps a bit fearful he might say yes.
"Speak your question Little One. What are you Here to know?"
I paused there. Somehow, I knew it was only one question that I could ask...only one... and I knew he would have the answer... and I knew it would be the only answer. What was I here to know?
For the first time ever that I could recall, I continued my pause and he was content to wait. We were there for a few minutes more and I almost wished to myself that he would prompt me again to speak my question, but he didn't. He only sat patiently waiting for me to voice it. I think he might have sat there for hours and perhaps days more if he needed to... and now that I had uttered the whisper to begin with, I knew I would have to answer his question with my question... there was no turning back on that one. I somehow knew that much.
I wanted to proceed with care... somehow I knew this would be a most important question, even if I had yet to know what I was here to know. I indulged in a moment more and let his soft voice run through my head again... working up my nerve and hoping that my mind might think of it soon....
"Speak your question Little One. What are you Here to know" echoed into my mind and then before I knew it, one word came to me. Only one. I didn't even know if it was proper for me to answer his question with such a question but... I managed it out anyway.
"Everything?" ... I requested in a humble and soft but shaky voice. Before I could stop myself it just came forward and I wasn't sure why I even wanted to stop myself, except that I had the flash of thought that maybe it was a bit much to ask. Before I was even sure I was ready and after I had stood there before Him with such care, there it was... my question to His question.
There was no motion from the skinny Black Monk after that... and I don't know if he really was a Monk or not but it seemed proper that he might be. His eyes never moving their fix from mine and now mine fixed on his. Eyes so dark they were like the deepest part of midnight, just like mine and then it was as though we were the same. I know I had no thought after that. Just silently waiting for His answer to my question and he was content to take his Time. So there we were, midnight fixed to midnight in the perfect peace of this white space. I knew He was giving it good consideration...
Then with no sound, no wind and motion out of no motion, he raised one hand from behind his back. I hadn't noticed it was tucked there until he pulled it forward... and in it, one piece of paper that he gently tossed into the white air of this place.
That was the moment that the midnight faded and my eyes moved to the paper following it's flight with no Wind behind it. It was proper, now that I had asked and that He had answered, that I looked to it. Without thinking, I knew this to be True.
It floated high at first. Gentle like a little white feather caught on an afternoon breeze... and there was only peaceful silence in my mind, I remembered that. As it neared the level of my eyes, the colors began. Then the silent music and the motionless sound of His wind that carried it. I could hear that silence... I remembered that too. I could see the colors dance out from the center of that paper like a magical spiral and spirals within that. Worlds of Universe in speckles of colored dust... and then, like where I started when I first saw Him, there was indeed Everything in one small dot. I was standing on it and it was a really, really long way down...
My life has never been the same. Which life was that to begin with I ask myself these days? This is all I could remember when I woke up in a frantic panic to capture His answer and I remember a husband back then, next to me in the bed, shaking me awake before I was completely ready. "Honey, you're dreaming again...wake up."
That was many years ago. Lifetimes ago maybe, I'm not quite sure. I never got a chance to write down that answer and I sat wondering for years what it might have been. Actually, the truth is that the Monk followed me thru time and reminded me every now and again, that I had asked Him to know something....and He was due my memory of His answer.
How odd to me that I could clearly remember the dream, clearly remember the Monk and clearly remember myself asking... but His answer faded away, like the midnight, when I was forced awake. Ever undo a golf ball and unwind that strand of rubber band inside of it? It was kind of like that. One question, one answer and a lifetime to undo that rude awakening. Now I think I remember it though. Just like I wrote here in this journal of another white space. Right after having to wake up again in another lifetime. How many Times has this sleep been? How many Times did I think I was awake again?
Next
"What are you Here to know?"
In a silent white space is where I found myself. Not hearing. Not listening. Not knowing. I walked forward into the endless white space of this place...just forward with no thought and no intent. Then a small black dot was ahead. Like a single black blemish in this perfect land of peaceful nothing and I just gave it notice and continued to walk.
A skinny black figure was there. His eyes gentle with wisdom and deep with mischief but eyes that I somehow knew and loved right away. I stood there looking into them, tracing the outline of his face, his nappy grey hair... his wrinkled yellow linen shirt hung on his frame like a tea stain and a pair of old ankles in shiny black shoes. A perfect crease in his pant leg and the eyes, never moving their fix on me as I looked over this familiar figure in the white. He was content to let me have my look. Patient until I was ready. A bow tie was wrapped around his neck and I just knew somehow that his love had tied that for him. Then I wondered if I knew how to tie a bow tie?
I managed a small smile after a while ... but he didn't move or shift his gaze from me. He wasn't smoking anything but there seemed to be a corn cob pipe in between his lips, is what I was thinking. I was content to let him have his look also. I noticed the knobs in his bony knees bent over the edge of that straight back chair and it was funny to me that I really didn't see the chair at all either... just him in it.
"Well my dear, you've come with a question for me" He finally said. I managed the smile but waited for him to speak first. It just seemed proper that way. Had I come here with a question I wondered? Or was he telling me I had?
"May I know something Mister?" I whispered after a moment. Not fearful to ask, but perhaps a bit fearful he might say yes.
"Speak your question Little One. What are you Here to know?"
I paused there. Somehow, I knew it was only one question that I could ask...only one... and I knew he would have the answer... and I knew it would be the only answer. What was I here to know?
For the first time ever that I could recall, I continued my pause and he was content to wait. We were there for a few minutes more and I almost wished to myself that he would prompt me again to speak my question, but he didn't. He only sat patiently waiting for me to voice it. I think he might have sat there for hours and perhaps days more if he needed to... and now that I had uttered the whisper to begin with, I knew I would have to answer his question with my question... there was no turning back on that one. I somehow knew that much.
I wanted to proceed with care... somehow I knew this would be a most important question, even if I had yet to know what I was here to know. I indulged in a moment more and let his soft voice run through my head again... working up my nerve and hoping that my mind might think of it soon....
"Speak your question Little One. What are you Here to know" echoed into my mind and then before I knew it, one word came to me. Only one. I didn't even know if it was proper for me to answer his question with such a question but... I managed it out anyway.
"Everything?" ... I requested in a humble and soft but shaky voice. Before I could stop myself it just came forward and I wasn't sure why I even wanted to stop myself, except that I had the flash of thought that maybe it was a bit much to ask. Before I was even sure I was ready and after I had stood there before Him with such care, there it was... my question to His question.
There was no motion from the skinny Black Monk after that... and I don't know if he really was a Monk or not but it seemed proper that he might be. His eyes never moving their fix from mine and now mine fixed on his. Eyes so dark they were like the deepest part of midnight, just like mine and then it was as though we were the same. I know I had no thought after that. Just silently waiting for His answer to my question and he was content to take his Time. So there we were, midnight fixed to midnight in the perfect peace of this white space. I knew He was giving it good consideration...
Then with no sound, no wind and motion out of no motion, he raised one hand from behind his back. I hadn't noticed it was tucked there until he pulled it forward... and in it, one piece of paper that he gently tossed into the white air of this place.
That was the moment that the midnight faded and my eyes moved to the paper following it's flight with no Wind behind it. It was proper, now that I had asked and that He had answered, that I looked to it. Without thinking, I knew this to be True.
It floated high at first. Gentle like a little white feather caught on an afternoon breeze... and there was only peaceful silence in my mind, I remembered that. As it neared the level of my eyes, the colors began. Then the silent music and the motionless sound of His wind that carried it. I could hear that silence... I remembered that too. I could see the colors dance out from the center of that paper like a magical spiral and spirals within that. Worlds of Universe in speckles of colored dust... and then, like where I started when I first saw Him, there was indeed Everything in one small dot. I was standing on it and it was a really, really long way down...
My life has never been the same. Which life was that to begin with I ask myself these days? This is all I could remember when I woke up in a frantic panic to capture His answer and I remember a husband back then, next to me in the bed, shaking me awake before I was completely ready. "Honey, you're dreaming again...wake up."
That was many years ago. Lifetimes ago maybe, I'm not quite sure. I never got a chance to write down that answer and I sat wondering for years what it might have been. Actually, the truth is that the Monk followed me thru time and reminded me every now and again, that I had asked Him to know something....and He was due my memory of His answer.
How odd to me that I could clearly remember the dream, clearly remember the Monk and clearly remember myself asking... but His answer faded away, like the midnight, when I was forced awake. Ever undo a golf ball and unwind that strand of rubber band inside of it? It was kind of like that. One question, one answer and a lifetime to undo that rude awakening. Now I think I remember it though. Just like I wrote here in this journal of another white space. Right after having to wake up again in another lifetime. How many Times has this sleep been? How many Times did I think I was awake again?
Next
Break the Cat
August 2007
Well I guess you have every right to be pissed at me for calling you Sandman, but honestly, did we need to push my cat off the roof? You fucking fuck head.
I'm going to be 39 in a few days, my goal is set to quit smoking and now you break my cat... I don't know if I should love you as I recognize this to be one of the biggest tests of my year, or if I should continue to curse at you for throwing this on top of the spin...
3am... I'm at the emergency vet hospital and they can't do anything but give him pain stuff until the normal vet gets in...
"Looks like his leg is broken, but it's too swollen for us to know. Call your vet in the morning and make sure she gets these xrays..."
Hands me a wod of pain med syringes and says good luck.
You ever heard a 22 pound cat howl in that kind of pain... and you ever try moving him at 3am all by yourself? I get home finally, we're in the house, he's drugged up and I fall to the ground in tears.
"...oh my fucking gawd... what's happening? Is this a blessing or did I catch some bad karma somehow? Crying, crying, mind crying, thinking, blurry crying, heart breaking crying, my CAT! YOU FUCKING ASSHOLES! I DON'T GIVE A SHIT IF YOU'RE GOD, GOD'S HELPER, GAWDS BAD FUCKING JOKE OR WHAT... but do you hear my cat crying??? You fucking ass!!!..."
======= The Next Business Day - at the Vet ===============
you're kidding me!
"I wish I could give you better news, but those are our options... The knee is completely blown, but I believe it can be repaired...blah blah blah..."
(mind bubble - the only thing that was in my mind at this point was that the repair bill was a four figure dot zero zero number....blinking blinking red red red....)
"Leave him here overnight and think about it..."
That night I resolve to sell the Spyder, not go to Mexico (I had a tentative trip scheduled) and fix my cat. I might be broke, but two cars, I don't need... my cat, I want. The surgery is scheduled.
"Well, the good news is that the surgery went well and we were able to reconstruct the knee. The 'kind of' bad news is that your little KC is quite the feisty thing and refuses to stay still... and it's critical we keep him still for the next six weeks and especially the next three until the stitches are out...blah blah blah care instructions, care instructions blah blah blah"
blink blink blink.... did she say six weeks?
"... and the reason he has no cast is because he ripped it off of himself just minutes after he came out of anesthesia... it surprised us all for sure.... by the time we got in there, he had the cast off and the cone off his head...blah blah blah... you'll have to keep him immobile.... blah... kennel large enough for him to live in but not move in.... blah blah...."
Well I guess you have every right to be pissed at me for calling you Sandman, but honestly, did we need to push my cat off the roof? You fucking fuck head.
I'm going to be 39 in a few days, my goal is set to quit smoking and now you break my cat... I don't know if I should love you as I recognize this to be one of the biggest tests of my year, or if I should continue to curse at you for throwing this on top of the spin...
3am... I'm at the emergency vet hospital and they can't do anything but give him pain stuff until the normal vet gets in...
"Looks like his leg is broken, but it's too swollen for us to know. Call your vet in the morning and make sure she gets these xrays..."
Hands me a wod of pain med syringes and says good luck.
You ever heard a 22 pound cat howl in that kind of pain... and you ever try moving him at 3am all by yourself? I get home finally, we're in the house, he's drugged up and I fall to the ground in tears.
"...oh my fucking gawd... what's happening? Is this a blessing or did I catch some bad karma somehow? Crying, crying, mind crying, thinking, blurry crying, heart breaking crying, my CAT! YOU FUCKING ASSHOLES! I DON'T GIVE A SHIT IF YOU'RE GOD, GOD'S HELPER, GAWDS BAD FUCKING JOKE OR WHAT... but do you hear my cat crying??? You fucking ass!!!..."
======= The Next Business Day - at the Vet ===============
you're kidding me!
"I wish I could give you better news, but those are our options... The knee is completely blown, but I believe it can be repaired...blah blah blah..."
(mind bubble - the only thing that was in my mind at this point was that the repair bill was a four figure dot zero zero number....blinking blinking red red red....)
"Leave him here overnight and think about it..."
That night I resolve to sell the Spyder, not go to Mexico (I had a tentative trip scheduled) and fix my cat. I might be broke, but two cars, I don't need... my cat, I want. The surgery is scheduled.
"Well, the good news is that the surgery went well and we were able to reconstruct the knee. The 'kind of' bad news is that your little KC is quite the feisty thing and refuses to stay still... and it's critical we keep him still for the next six weeks and especially the next three until the stitches are out...blah blah blah care instructions, care instructions blah blah blah"
blink blink blink.... did she say six weeks?
"... and the reason he has no cast is because he ripped it off of himself just minutes after he came out of anesthesia... it surprised us all for sure.... by the time we got in there, he had the cast off and the cone off his head...blah blah blah... you'll have to keep him immobile.... blah... kennel large enough for him to live in but not move in.... blah blah...."
blinking blinking blinking.... six weeks of this?
"... three times a day in the mouth for pain and these are twice for.... blah blah blah... and that total comes to $2513.00... blah blah ... call us any time if you have any questions...."
======================================
I do all this and KC and I live in the kennel (big enough for a dog say 60 pounds or so) for the next three weeks. It's looking good, the knee isn't swollen anymore and it doesn't look like his toes are crammed up into his ear anymore... I don't think he'll even have a limp....
========The day before stitches due out=========
"MEEEOOOOOWWWWWWW....!!!!!"
Okay, what the fuck is that.... I run down the hall, look into the room at KC and his knee is the size of a watermelon... What the fuck!!!!! I call the vet emergency style....
"...what happened?"
I have no idea what happened Dr. Headlin - I only know that last night it was perfect knee and today it's the size of a large potato....
"...bring him right now." THANK YOU!
"...I have no idea how he managed this but he's blown the surgery... entirely. Our options are these... blah blah blah...."
Breathe..... just breathe.... blink back tears and breathe... (mind chatter - you're gonna have to put your cat to sleep).... breathe...
"...and this time, I think we should keep him here for the first week before you take him home... I think my plan is to keep him REALLY drugged up so he stays still for sure, but I'd feel more comfortable if we did that rather then have you apply that amount of medication....blah blah blah....there is a bit of a risk with it....but I think the knee can be repaired one more time... it seems to be a clean break... the stitches didn't actually give way, the bone broke instead... blah blah blah...."
Breathe..... just breathe.... blink back tears and breathe... (mind chatter - you're gonna have to put your cat to sleep).... breathe...
"... I know we discussed your finances last time, but I really think we can fix him....blah...."
Dr. Headlin... please stop. I can't do this, so I'd like to just go home, leave him here and get myself together enough to say good bye to him tomorrow... okay?
"... think about it... maybe I can talk to the surgeon and work some things out...."
Thank you Dr.
====== The Next Day on the phone with the Doctor ========
"... the surgeon was generous enough to offer a second surgery for free.... I can help with donating the kennel cost, but you will still have to pay for the medications, we can't do anything about those...."
Another $1300.00 later, we restart six weeks....
At the Vet's office, just before I leave him again...
may I have a word with my cat please....
"... certainly."
KC... look at me. Stop fucking around. I KNOW that you can hear me and I KNOW that you know last time I had a car to sell, but this time, I don't. This is the last of my CC space and we're fucked if you don't let her fix you this time. Do you hear me you little rat bastard? We have this Chance ONE MORE TIME... if you don't want to co-operate and if you fuck this next surgery up... I'm going to kill you. Take that quite seriously please.... as I don't want to do that. This time the choice is yours my dear.... turn the 'survival instinct' on kitten and HEAR me.... one more time....
=======================================
Today, August 3.2008
KC walks with no limp, both cats are indoors and somehow, I ended up with a dog in November, but that's another story... back to August 2007...
2.8.08
Self Check...
June-ish 2007
... so, that's the whole truth of it Dr. Do you think we can scan my brain or something? Make sure there's no fuzz growing up there?
"Do these 'voices' tell you what to DO?"
... sigh... please don't patronize me Dr. I'm trying to be as honest with you as possible and no, they don't tell me to blow things up or pluck chickens or give away bathrobes on the street corner for Jesus or anything...
(mental thought bubble - this fucking cunt - what the fuck???)...
~smiles, thank you Dr. I appreciate that you understand...
"We'll get that scheduled for this week and you can visit the lab now for the blood work"
~smiles, thanks again.
====== A Week Later ====================
As I sit down with my third Corona (it's the Friday) and bag full of mini snickers (I'm only 113lbs, so fuck off, I can do what I want)... I recall my nice phone chat with my doctor this afternoon...
Healthy as a fucking horse. That's how much we know about the human body.
I've never had a flu shot. Ever.
My pulse is 58 ... but I DO workout. Not religiously, but for most of my life and more consistently then not. Must be something to something...
Okay, elimination of physical illness out of the way... I can proceed with madness comfortably...
Damn, I'm gonna be 39 this year... this is not a good time to be having a break down of reality... but I do adore it all... I wish my loved ones loved me in it... but I guess I gotta get over the OCDish parts....
======================================
Mr. Smiley in the Computer...
"You fucking witch... blah blah blah... "
A nasty old wrinkled man smoking a cigarette in a You Tube video... how the heck did I come across something awful like this?
Bit of a skin crawler...
Breathe... this is me!
"...who are you...you're not me... okay... reality just got really fucked up?"
Breathe... this is Me...
~Smiles back at You...
This isn't Me, Mr. Smiley.
=========================================
Beautiful lips man is not interested in me... crushed-less....
"secretly, I know he's the Mayan Monk and that we've been pulling each other's hair throughout infinity now... grinz"
Smack!
Okay, get a fucking grip on life here... as I speak to myself in the mirror....
You've been fiddling numbers from outer space now for months, your family thinks you've cracked a nut and you're going broke... HELLO! Life is continuing around 'our' madness here... what the crap am I supposed to do with this?
"... okay... hello? god... or ... whatever... brain mates? whatever... I want you to know that this is highly unconventional and that you're just gonna need to explain yourself a bit better or I'm might have to shut this whole adventure down. My fucking life is falling apart around this new madness you gave me, but I'm sane enough to see it happening??? What the fuck is that? Can I curse at you...god...or whatever? Oh this is in sane...but no offense, really, I love this, I'm just frustrated.... I don't understand anything anymore. It only got frustrating when you guys started spinning my Ps around... or nines, whichever they are... or Gs... Bs too..."
I'm gonna end up losing my job or something horrible if I don't get a handle on this... so is this it then? Learn or go insane otherwise and have all my loved ones try to pump a pill into me? I get a private padded room with my very own view of more pads right?
I pause to give this good consideration....
Well, fuck you Sandman... I learn faster then you blink....
and I say that with all the love :) So... gates open.
"A ride you said...?"
Next
... so, that's the whole truth of it Dr. Do you think we can scan my brain or something? Make sure there's no fuzz growing up there?
"Do these 'voices' tell you what to DO?"
... sigh... please don't patronize me Dr. I'm trying to be as honest with you as possible and no, they don't tell me to blow things up or pluck chickens or give away bathrobes on the street corner for Jesus or anything...
(mental thought bubble - this fucking cunt - what the fuck???)...
~smiles, thank you Dr. I appreciate that you understand...
"We'll get that scheduled for this week and you can visit the lab now for the blood work"
~smiles, thanks again.
====== A Week Later ====================
As I sit down with my third Corona (it's the Friday) and bag full of mini snickers (I'm only 113lbs, so fuck off, I can do what I want)... I recall my nice phone chat with my doctor this afternoon...
Healthy as a fucking horse. That's how much we know about the human body.
I've never had a flu shot. Ever.
My pulse is 58 ... but I DO workout. Not religiously, but for most of my life and more consistently then not. Must be something to something...
Okay, elimination of physical illness out of the way... I can proceed with madness comfortably...
Damn, I'm gonna be 39 this year... this is not a good time to be having a break down of reality... but I do adore it all... I wish my loved ones loved me in it... but I guess I gotta get over the OCDish parts....
======================================
Mr. Smiley in the Computer...
"You fucking witch... blah blah blah... "
A nasty old wrinkled man smoking a cigarette in a You Tube video... how the heck did I come across something awful like this?
Bit of a skin crawler...
Breathe... this is me!
"...who are you...you're not me... okay... reality just got really fucked up?"
Breathe... this is Me...
~Smiles back at You...
This isn't Me, Mr. Smiley.
=========================================
Beautiful lips man is not interested in me... crushed-less....
"secretly, I know he's the Mayan Monk and that we've been pulling each other's hair throughout infinity now... grinz"
Smack!
Okay, get a fucking grip on life here... as I speak to myself in the mirror....
You've been fiddling numbers from outer space now for months, your family thinks you've cracked a nut and you're going broke... HELLO! Life is continuing around 'our' madness here... what the crap am I supposed to do with this?
"... okay... hello? god... or ... whatever... brain mates? whatever... I want you to know that this is highly unconventional and that you're just gonna need to explain yourself a bit better or I'm might have to shut this whole adventure down. My fucking life is falling apart around this new madness you gave me, but I'm sane enough to see it happening??? What the fuck is that? Can I curse at you...god...or whatever? Oh this is in sane...but no offense, really, I love this, I'm just frustrated.... I don't understand anything anymore. It only got frustrating when you guys started spinning my Ps around... or nines, whichever they are... or Gs... Bs too..."
I'm gonna end up losing my job or something horrible if I don't get a handle on this... so is this it then? Learn or go insane otherwise and have all my loved ones try to pump a pill into me? I get a private padded room with my very own view of more pads right?
I pause to give this good consideration....
Well, fuck you Sandman... I learn faster then you blink....
and I say that with all the love :) So... gates open.
"A ride you said...?"
Next
Start...
April 2007...
I'm mid madness begin and it's just a few days before Easter. My friend wants me to get a Fiat because she just got one and she wants to ride with wind in our hair etc... so by some weird chance, I'm headed to the gas station and there parked and gleaming, is a little red Fiat.
"Don't"
"I don't need the guns any more..."
=========Three days Later at the Fiat Guru==========
"You so want this car, it's not just one of the Spyders and in perfectly perfect shape, but it's a limited edition also. They only made 1000 of these."
No shit?
"You didn't know?"
I guess he told me but I have no idea what that means.
"It's number 155 and it means it's super cool."
Awesome! Whatever that means! ;)
Puzzled memorization....
155 blink blink
======== Few days later ===================
"They took the V out of live and turned life into a lie"
I'm mid madness begin and it's just a few days before Easter. My friend wants me to get a Fiat because she just got one and she wants to ride with wind in our hair etc... so by some weird chance, I'm headed to the gas station and there parked and gleaming, is a little red Fiat.
"Don't"
"I don't need the guns any more..."
=========Three days Later at the Fiat Guru==========
"You so want this car, it's not just one of the Spyders and in perfectly perfect shape, but it's a limited edition also. They only made 1000 of these."
No shit?
"You didn't know?"
I guess he told me but I have no idea what that means.
"It's number 155 and it means it's super cool."
Awesome! Whatever that means! ;)
Puzzled memorization....
155 blink blink
======== Few days later ===================
"They took the V out of live and turned life into a lie"
Um... okay? That's about as weird as can be, but if you say so... I'll write it down for later.
======================================
How many ways can those numbers go, in that order? .... and the time faded away and the walls faded away and the pen and paper just wrote numbers and drew lines and colored blocks....
And my dishes piled up and the laundry became a beast and ...
"what do you mean, the E in stein? What stein? Beer...?"
And there was sheet after sheet after sheet of grid paper now and the pens weren't enough, no the pens weren't enough anymore and I had to have colored markers now. Off to the Office supply store for an excessive amount of pens and markers and measuring stuff and circle making stuff and and and... MORE JOURNALS! Right! I need more notebooks... grids, lines, blanks, lines, grids, large line, small line all line....
K - I'm ready.
Oh crimany! I forgot pencils... ah next trip...
======================================
You're not really seriously gonna try to draw all this out by hand right? Well what the fuck else am I gonna do? I ASKED someone for help - that cute man in SL with the amazing lips, but he turned out to be invisible - so what's a girl to do?
"God is an acronym and Dog is man's best friend..."
Okay... what the heck was that??
Back in Time
The first time I remember talking about Time was with Dan... we were just in 9th grade and he was shorter then me with glasses and a blond, curly 'afro' like 'white Kansas boy' type of hair. It always amazed me...
Anyway... he was really nice and lived just on the next street from our house on Humbolt. I think I went to a dance with him once but can't remember if we ever got there for some reason...
His parents were both 'flower love' aged people and had a wonderful garden that they just quietly always seemed to be in when I came to visit. I don't even remember ever speaking to them. Kind of like the Charlie Brown parents who are 'there'... but not really and the cartoon is all about the kids.
So, once we were hanging out in his room and he lights up a joint. Parents outside and he just fires it right up. "What the ....!? Dude your parents are right there!"
"Oh it's okay, they know I smoke weed..."
Are you kidding me??!
"No, they don't see anything wrong with it... gift of the 'goddess' or something."
Cool, give me that... (inhale).... let's go for a walk.... (exhale)....
"okay"
====== Later at the park =======
"Do you think time exists?"
"...huh?..."
===== Years Later in Time ======
"Honey, wake up, you're dreaming again..."
"...huh?..."
=====Years After Divorce ======
"What do you know about a man in a hat?"
~Freeze~
The Monk?
=====Last Year, August, three days before the Corn Moon =====
"Can I have your blessing and use your bathroom?"
"... what?..."
"Is your Cat afraid of us?"
"... nooo?..."
========================================
They'll do some messed up stuff like that when it all starts to speak to you.
All I can say is... stay in peace and be sincere and know that it's okay if you wake up, freak out and think you died, because you didn't. All's well and Everything is for reason and if not, then it's at least for a lesson and if not, then try to learn something anyway and love everything. This is how it 'works'. ;)
Be that. Hear more.
We have our 'sayings' for a reason.
And we have to remember that our personal 'dark sides' are our sides too and the only way through them is to love them. If you can't 'love your mirror', then you're missing out. And if we can't love our mirror, then we most certainly still have issues with one another. Like it or not, that's a truth. This is about how that changes... and it's weird!
Next
Next
~The End~
There isn't one.
~The Beginning~
It's the Never Ending Story like story...
It's as funny as Lewis Black...
As brilliant as Einstein...
As upside down as DaVinci...
As twistedly exciting as Mason...
As rude as two cats playing at midnight...
As old school as
there is no 'bad guy' and every one's a hero...
As religious as imagination...
As mysterious as reality...
It's a musical...
An eyecycle...
A scifi flick
A magic trick
and full of so so poetry...
It's a love story...
About history...
About humanity...
About being in Sane
About loving insanity...
It's Self Discovery.
I hope it happens to you too...
A lovely place to be.
Continue the read...
Play:
Welcome.Player
~The Beginning~
It's the Never Ending Story like story...
It's as funny as Lewis Black...
As brilliant as Einstein...
As upside down as DaVinci...
As twistedly exciting as Mason...
As rude as two cats playing at midnight...
As old school as
there is no 'bad guy' and every one's a hero...
As religious as imagination...
As mysterious as reality...
It's a musical...
An eyecycle...
A scifi flick
A magic trick
and full of so so poetry...
It's a love story...
About history...
About humanity...
About being in Sane
About loving insanity...
It's Self Discovery.
I hope it happens to you too...
A lovely place to be.
Continue the read...
Play:
Welcome.Player
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