June-ish 2007
... so, that's the whole truth of it Dr. Do you think we can scan my brain or something? Make sure there's no fuzz growing up there?
"Do these 'voices' tell you what to DO?"
... sigh... please don't patronize me Dr. I'm trying to be as honest with you as possible and no, they don't tell me to blow things up or pluck chickens or give away bathrobes on the street corner for Jesus or anything...
(mental thought bubble - this fucking cunt - what the fuck???)...
~smiles, thank you Dr. I appreciate that you understand...
"We'll get that scheduled for this week and you can visit the lab now for the blood work"
~smiles, thanks again.
====== A Week Later ====================
As I sit down with my third Corona (it's the Friday) and bag full of mini snickers (I'm only 113lbs, so fuck off, I can do what I want)... I recall my nice phone chat with my doctor this afternoon...
Healthy as a fucking horse. That's how much we know about the human body.
I've never had a flu shot. Ever.
My pulse is 58 ... but I DO workout. Not religiously, but for most of my life and more consistently then not. Must be something to something...
Okay, elimination of physical illness out of the way... I can proceed with madness comfortably...
Damn, I'm gonna be 39 this year... this is not a good time to be having a break down of reality... but I do adore it all... I wish my loved ones loved me in it... but I guess I gotta get over the OCDish parts....
======================================
Mr. Smiley in the Computer...
"You fucking witch... blah blah blah... "
A nasty old wrinkled man smoking a cigarette in a You Tube video... how the heck did I come across something awful like this?
Bit of a skin crawler...
Breathe... this is me!
"...who are you...you're not me... okay... reality just got really fucked up?"
Breathe... this is Me...
~Smiles back at You...
This isn't Me, Mr. Smiley.
=========================================
Beautiful lips man is not interested in me... crushed-less....
"secretly, I know he's the Mayan Monk and that we've been pulling each other's hair throughout infinity now... grinz"
Smack!
Okay, get a fucking grip on life here... as I speak to myself in the mirror....
You've been fiddling numbers from outer space now for months, your family thinks you've cracked a nut and you're going broke... HELLO! Life is continuing around 'our' madness here... what the crap am I supposed to do with this?
"... okay... hello? god... or ... whatever... brain mates? whatever... I want you to know that this is highly unconventional and that you're just gonna need to explain yourself a bit better or I'm might have to shut this whole adventure down. My fucking life is falling apart around this new madness you gave me, but I'm sane enough to see it happening??? What the fuck is that? Can I curse at you...god...or whatever? Oh this is in sane...but no offense, really, I love this, I'm just frustrated.... I don't understand anything anymore. It only got frustrating when you guys started spinning my Ps around... or nines, whichever they are... or Gs... Bs too..."
I'm gonna end up losing my job or something horrible if I don't get a handle on this... so is this it then? Learn or go insane otherwise and have all my loved ones try to pump a pill into me? I get a private padded room with my very own view of more pads right?
I pause to give this good consideration....
Well, fuck you Sandman... I learn faster then you blink....
and I say that with all the love :) So... gates open.
"A ride you said...?"
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